livingwithablackdog

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B-B-B-Budget: The Cost of Medication. Is It Worth It? 02/10/2011

Budget.

Now there’s a scary word.

Why is it there?

It goes through my mind on a regular basis.  Like – every time I run out of a few medications at once.  And especially on those really special occasions when they all run out at the same time.  You know the ones?  Or perhaps you don’t.

Me – I have what is known as Treatment Resistant Depression.  It means what it says.  It’s a bastard to treat.  It doesn’t respond to the basics and I go to a psychiatrist who is a specialist.  Yay me!  It also means that what works is an interesting combination of meds.  This is complicated by the fact that my depression is the result of surgery that I had in my early 20’s that also left me with a tendency to partial seizures (now controlled – by medication…).  I also have a history of really nasty and persistent migraine that I resisted medication for until the summer when I had them for 4-5 days a week every week for about 5 months and found myself at risk of losing my job over the number of sick days that I was accumulating.  I also have low levels of vitamin D and a back injury that has resulted in the growth of osteophytes (essentially arthritis).

I figure that I am lucky to live in Australia where a large proportion of the cost of most medications is subsidised by Medicare – the government scheme to ensure that health care is affordable for everyone.  It says something that I generally reach the threshold of what people are expected to pay without further subsidy (Medicare’s safety net) by about October or November each calendar year.

My meds for Depression include Lexapro (also known as escitalopram) an SSRI, Edronax – a SNRI, Lamictal (lamotrigin) which works as a mood stabiliser but is also an anti-seizure medication and Valdoxan – which is only new.  I’m taking Valdoxan at a low dose as an augment to my other anti-depressant medication.  I’ve tried to go without an augment several times, but it just isn’t enough to hold me – I relapse with the slightest of triggers.

Valdoxan is expensive however because it is not PBS listed (ie not on the Medicare Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme list) but is sooo much better than Lithium which is what was what was used as an augment before.  Valdoxan wouldn’t replace Lithium for someone whose primary medication need was for Lithium – but as an augment it has been great.  It helps me sleep at night, doesn’t leave me drowsy through the day, doesn’t put on weight or make my hair dry and frizzy – just costs a lot of money.  But it allows me to function so much better than the Lithium did that I don’t begrudge a cent.  I also take a very small dose of Abilify which has helped with some other weird symptoms that used to come when I was low on sleep.

Next, I take Topamax to prevent migraine.  Much as I hate to admit it – this has proven very worthwhile.  While I still get an occasional breakthrough migraine a few times a year – they are nowhere near as severe, don’t last more than a day and don’t leave behind the ghost migraines for days afterward.  In short – I can function.  On top of this I take Vitamin D supplements and Glucosamine with Chondriatin (and I notice the difference with my back stiffening if I stop taking it).

Finally, one of the fall out effects of my depression has been the decrease in concentration and attention span that has come with it.  This year to see if we can improve that my doctor has been prescribing me a low dose of dexamphetamine – and I think it’s working.  The catch has been that it gave me tremors in my hands and, in the beginning, headaches – I had finally managed to get rid of all antidepressants that caused this – so it was back to the Propanolol for me to get rid of the tremors.  Propanolol also helps with prevention of migraine too, so it adds a bit of reinforcement to the Topamax (not that I would take it if it wasn’t for the tremor!).

That, ladies and gentlemen, totals at eight prescription medications and two over the counter alternative medications.  Not what I would call ideal – but they all serve a specific purpose and thinning them out would leave me very vulnerable to relapse – trust me, I’ve tried – under the supervision of my doctor whom I’ve told point-blank that I won’t take something or other … several times.  One day I hope to successfully reduce them, but I think that it will take a lot more skill in managing my depression on my part, more research time, planning and preparation.

I buy the Vitamin D and Glucosamine at discount pharmacies.

The rest I go to the same pharmacy for all the time.  This helps if I run into any trouble with any scripts or if I’m physically ill – they’ll run it around to my place for me.  Also if I get prescribed something else or go to buy something over the counter – the pharmacists there know what else I take and can tell me if it will cause me any problems.

Recently I had to get all my scripts filled at once.  It cost a lot of money.  At first I cringed.  But really, I’ve done this before and its nothing new.  It’s about four weeks medication that I’m paying for.  I know how much my medication costs.  In the end I just shrugged my shoulders and paid.  I said to the lady who served me the same as I’ll say to you.

“A day’s wages is not a lot to pay in exchange for the ability to function for a month.”
 

The Dog in The Fog 27/07/2011

There are a lot of things I hate about Depression.  Take your pick – the effect it has on your self-worth, your energy levels, your mood, how sociable you feel and act, your self-image and presentation, that non-expression on your face … or the medication – weight gain, constipation, tremors, medication for the tremors … the constant need to micromanage your life to prevent relapse routine, exercise, diet, sleep, early warning signs, triggers, medications, appointments and to cap it all off there’s the increased incidence of things like diabetes and heart disease in people with depression.  Some of these are direct results of depression.  Some are spin-off effects from symptoms played out in the lifestyle.  Some are medication related.  But by far the effect that I loathe the most is the ‘fog’.

Thinking in ‘The Fog’ is like those movies where a character moves across a misty set barely able to see what is in front of them, working to make out the shadowy forms in the haze before them until the mist folds away just before they meet it to reveal what is there – yet the objective never quite within sight.  When I am not well my mind is in stupor.  Gears creak.  Cogs struggle to turn.  I forget things constantly.  I lose my place in what I am trying to communicate to someone.  These are things I was once very good at.  As I get better I can do all of the things that I used to do – but many of them I do more slowly than I once did.  It now takes me longer to process things in my head – arithmetic, deciding how to express something carefully, making a decision, figuring something out.  Some of this is because of medication – but not all of it.  Some is the Depression itself.  It has slowed my once quick mind.  Recent changes to medications have freed it up a little, but it is still not what it once was.

It is not obvious to everyone.  Mostly only to people who have known me for a long time before and after the Depression left its mark.  When talking with a friend and therapist with whom I once worked once told me that the difference had made her cry.  It was such a relief to know that another person was grieving too.

I had an ongoing dilemma with medications until recently that centred around a Lithium fog.  After years on a tricyclic that kept me well in tandem with Lithium, I eventually had to stop the Lithium so that I could use anti-inflammatory meds for chronic back pain that wasn’t responding to any other form of treatment.  The result was that the back pain settled reasonably quickly, but it was difficult to keep my mood stable on the tricyclic alone.  In the end, my Doctor suggested that a medication change was the way to go and I finished up on a combination of Lexapro and Edronax.  Beautiful.  I could think.  However, like the tricyclic (which I’d been on because SSRIs on their own didn’t work), in reality my mental state was still not really robust.  Finally, after much resistance on my part, I restarted Lithium as an augmenting medication to bolster the main ones – and, for stability I did need it.  But it really stank.  The fog was back.  Lithium, I find does slow me down – preferable to relapse and job loss – but still unpleasant.  My best news has come with the release of Valdoxan.  Given how much I hate and object to the use of Lithium, my doctor has trialled me on this in place of the Lithium as my augmenting drug and it is working beautifully and without fog.  So what is now left that is attributable to medication is as low as we can get it.

What has been affected is what I will call my ‘working memory’.  The part of the brain that is operating and pulling everything together at any moment so that I can think, move, find information that I know, solve problems, come up with ideas and take action of any kind.  It is where what is needed from my short & long-term memory, senses, visual-spatial understanding, communication and organisational understanding and my level and focus of attention are is pulled together and used to observe or interact with the cues, instructions or things in the environment around me to guide my actions in a certain way.  It is where, to a large extent I can regulate the speed of my actions also.  BUT here’s the thing.  When I’m not well my level of attention is affected so I miss information from the environment and not all of the information that my mind needs makes it in.  The speed of the working memory slows down, my memory is fuzzier and less accessible, I lose the flow of operations I am doing.  It’s like if there is a little man inside my memory coordinating all the information, he ages 100 years and can’t manage all of the information when I’m depressed.  When I’m well he returns to almost his original age and moves reasonably well; but he’s been left now with some injuries – back strains and a touch of arthritis that slow him down just a little on the fine and detailed work or when handling really heavy stuff.  He can handle it, but he’s not as fast as he was before the injuries that the sudden aging episode left on him.  And nor am I.

At times I think walking with a black dog is like walking through the high mountains where there is rarely a day unaffected by mist – not necessarily always pea-soup fog; yet always just a light haze.  Not enough to hamper most of the time, but enough to dampen the spirits and frustrate – especially one who is unaccustomed to fog.  But the moments when the fog lifts and the sun shines through – Oh my! They are glorious.