sit. stay. good boy.

It’s Not Fair 18/12/2011

Filed under: Experiencing Depression — jillnottelten @ 1:00 pm
Tags: , , , ,

It’s one of the first things children learn to say.

“It’s not fair!”

It could be.

It might be.

It might not be.

Lots of the time it’s not.

I was picturing life as fair a couple of weeks ago.

There was an endless row of storks lined up for miles on end, each with its very special bundle to deliver.

Each bundle was allocated – not necessarily the same things but things of the same weight and number.

So each stork took on ‘x’ amount of tragedy and ‘y’ amount of suffering and ‘b’ amount of joy and ‘c’ amount of strengths and ‘m’ proportion of weaknesses.  And then there was a minimum space indicator allocated for tragedies and suffering – so they couldn’t come on top of each other – because “fair” – as we all know – allows time for healing.  And each of these little bundles then was given a special value key that they would hold each other’s strengths and weaknesses, joys and sufferings, tragedies and so forth as as valuable or important as their own.

But life’s not like that.

Storks are impatient creatures.

They fly out when they’re good and ready and often when the load’s not ready to go.

And tragedies and suffering, joy and strength and weakness don’t get dished out in measured helpings at nice comfortable intervals either.

No.  Life’s not fair.

It’s not really designed to be.

In lots of ways we’d be a lot more content if we all stopped looking for fair.

Sure, I think that we should act in a way that is decent and even-handed to others when we get the choice … but there will always be someone who thinks that a choice wasn’t fair.

Why do I have treatment resistant Depression?  I don’t know.  Essentially because I had brain surgery for an aneurysm that they found.

Would it be more fair if it hadn’t been found and I’d have died in tact in my mid-20s?

What sort of question is that?  Both were possibilities.  Neither seem ‘fair’ to people who love me or my family.

Do we have to remain in some kind of pristine condition for things to be ‘fair’ then?

How old do you have to be before it is ‘fair’ for your body to start deteriorating?

No, if we go by what we usually think of as ‘fair’ then almost nothing is fair.

I don’t think life is designed to be fair.

I think it’s about growing and letting ourselves learn from the things we encounter.

I’ve met quite a lot of people who have been through a lot who are wise.

I think that they’ve learned what they could from the hard times and the scars that they’ve left.

So I’ve set my sights anew.

I want to be wise.

(but maybe by learning efficiently, not by having too many lessons????)



3 Responses to “It’s Not Fair”

  1. willowdot21 Says:

    Life is not fair, I no longer expect much and I am used to the rough ride life takes over me! You have done so well keep going keep working keep getting up keep one foot in front of the other!


  2. DoggedCat Says:

    I very much enjoyed your “storks in a fair world” piece. And when it comes to:
    “Why do I have treatment resistant Depression? I don’t know. Essentially because I had brain surgery for an aneurysm that they found.”
    … well – at least you know why. Or you think you know. I haven’t a clue, apart from a lousy childhood, which still seems a lot less lousy than other people have had. (Whether or not they too get depressed I have no idea. We’d need to sample many millions of people in order to get some idea of the cause and effect of varying degrees of lousiness in childhood.) In my case there is probably ALSO a tad too much inbreeding on my father’s side of the family, leading to an increased risk of inheriting whatever it is that predisposes people to feel grotty by default.

    These clues don’t make me feel any better, however. (Actually, this can’t be true. If I thought being a sad sack was all my own fault I would almost certainly be more of a basket-case than I already am. Knowing that I had a rocky start in life makes it more possible to be compassionate with myself.) What I meant was that even when you know certain answers, they don’t necessarily help a lot on a day to day basis.

    Anyway, I’m glad you’re back. Onward and upward!


  3. boldkevin Says:

    Hi 🙂

    As you know, I am a fellow blogger and have just been awarded “The Versatile Blogger” award by another blogger. (Please understand that I know little about it but am grateful to have been awarded it.)

    As far as I can make out it is an award given by bloggers to other bloggers whose work/blogs they appreciate.

    Part of getting this award is that you have to pass it along to 15 recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading.

    Since I have visited your blog a few times now and really enjoyed it (albeit that I normally prefer to just read it and then leave, I thought I would award this award to you also as the author of a blog I enjoy reading.

    I have also, as part of this, detailed your blog on one of my blogs “Voices of Glass”

    I hope you don’t mind and understand that I really do enjoy your blog which is why I included it in my list.
    Kind Regards,



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